There’s always a moment when a simple conversation spirals into a full-blown argument, and suddenly you’re defending a hill you’re not even sure you want to die on.
Arguments have this way of revealing what’s really going on in our hearts, don’t they? And if we’re honest, what they often reveal isn’t pretty.
The Bible has a lot to say about quarreling, and none of it is what you’d call flattering. Scripture treats arguing and quarreling as symptoms of deeper spiritual issues, things like pride, selfishness, and a lack of self-control.
But here’s what I find fascinating: the Bible doesn’t just condemn quarreling and leave it at that. It actually diagnoses why we do it and offers practical wisdom for breaking the cycle.
James asked a pointed question in his letter: what causes fights and quarrels among you? His answer cuts right to the chase. It’s our desires battling within us, wanting what we can’t have, envying what others possess.
Every petty argument about where to eat dinner or whose turn it is to take out the trash has roots that go way deeper than the surface issue.
That’s why the biblical approach to quarreling isn’t just about learning better communication techniques, though those help. It’s about heart transformation.
Bible Verses About Arguing and Quarreling
1. Proverbs 17:14
Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.
2. Proverbs 20:3
It is to one’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.
3. James 4:1-2
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight.
4. Proverbs 26:21
As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome person for kindling strife.
5. 2 Timothy 2:23-24
Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.
6. Proverbs 15:18
A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.
7. Proverbs 17:19
Whoever loves a quarrel loves sin; whoever builds a high gate invites destruction.
8. Proverbs 26:17
Like one who grabs a stray dog by the ears is someone who rushes into a quarrel not their own.
9. Proverbs 18:6
The lips of fools bring them strife, and their mouths invite a beating.
10. Proverbs 13:10
Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.
11. Proverbs 10:12
Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.
12. Philippians 2:14
Do everything without grumbling or arguing.
13. Proverbs 29:22
An angry person stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered person commits many sins.
14. Proverbs 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
15. Proverbs 21:19
Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.
16. Proverbs 27:15
A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm.
17. Romans 13:13
Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy.
18. 1 Corinthians 1:10
I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in mind and thought.
19. Galatians 5:19-20
The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like.
20. Titus 3:9
But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless.
21. 2 Corinthians 12:20
For I am afraid that when I come I may not find you as I want you to be, and you may not find me as you want me to be. I fear that there may be discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder.
22. James 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
23. Proverbs 22:10
Drive out the mocker, and out goes strife; quarrels and insults are ended.
24. 1 Timothy 6:4-5
They are conceited and understand nothing. They have an unhealthy interest in controversies and quarrels about words that result in envy, strife, malicious talk, evil suspicions and constant friction between people of corrupt mind, who have been robbed of the truth and who think that godliness is a means to financial gain.
25. Proverbs 30:33
For as churning cream produces butter, and as twisting the nose produces blood, so stirring up anger produces strife.
26. Proverbs 18:19
A brother wronged is more unyielding than a fortified city; disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel.
27. Matthew 5:9
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
28. Romans 12:18
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
29. 1 Corinthians 3:3
You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere humans?
30. Proverbs 25:8
Do not bring hastily to court, for what will you do in the end if your neighbor puts you to shame?
31. Proverbs 17:9
Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.
32. James 1:19-20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
33. Colossians 3:13
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
34. Ephesians 4:31-32
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
35. Proverbs 16:28
A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.
Our Thoughts on What The Bible Says About Arguing and Quarreling
The consistent message throughout Scripture is clear: quarreling is destructive, foolish, and reveals a heart problem. Notice how often pride shows up as the root cause. We argue because we think we’re right, because our ego is threatened, because we want our way.
The Bible compares quarrelsome people to leaky roofs, breached dams, and people grabbing angry dogs by the ears. None of these are images of wisdom or strength.
What really gets me is how practical the Bible is about this. It doesn’t just say “don’t quarrel” and leave you hanging. It tells you to be quick to listen and slow to speak. It reminds you that a gentle answer can defuse anger before it escalates.
It warns you that some arguments aren’t even worth engaging with, that walking away from a foolish dispute is actually the honorable choice, not the cowardly one.
But here’s the deeper truth: you can’t fix a quarrelsome spirit with willpower alone. The solution isn’t just behavior modification. It’s heart transformation through the Holy Spirit. When you’re secure in God’s love, you don’t need to win every argument.
When you understand how much you’ve been forgiven, you can extend grace instead of keeping score. The goal isn’t to never disagree. Healthy relationships involve honest conversations and sometimes difficult topics.
The goal is to pursue peace, to value the relationship more than being right, and to recognize when your pride is driving the bus. God calls us to be peacemakers, and that starts with refusing to let every disagreement become a battle.
Say This Prayer
Father, I confess that I’ve been quick to argue and slow to listen. My pride wants to be right more than it wants to be at peace. Forgive me for the relationships I’ve damaged and the strife I’ve caused through my quarrelsome spirit.
Transform my heart, Lord. Give me the humility to admit when I’m wrong and the wisdom to know when silence is stronger than words. Help me to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.
When disagreements arise, let me respond with gentleness instead of defensiveness. Teach me to value people more than winning arguments. Show me when to speak up for truth and when to simply let things go.
Make me a peacemaker who reflects your character, someone who builds bridges instead of walls. Guard my tongue and guide my heart. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
